Grant Overbeek

I think it’s important for me to share my faith story early on in this blog, as it is a key part of my experiences and worldview.

My faith effects every aspect of my life, and I will be bringing it up here quite often. Maybe you don’t want to hear about my faith or any sort of religious stuff. That’s okay. I can’t force it on you. I’m not here to beat anyone over the head with a religious club. I’m here to share my personal, genuine experience with God and encourage others to experience it for themselves. I hope my story is an encouragement for you.

I don’t remember a time when the Bible and church weren’t a part of my life. I was raised in a protestant Christian home, with two loving parents who taught me the Gospel from a young age.

When I was around five years old in Sunday School, I prayed to receive Jesus into my heart for salvation, and when I was around twelve years old, I was water baptized. From a very young age, I had a genuine belief and true desire to follow God.

Entering high school, I was asking questions of faith, and God was gracious with me. He didn’t hide from me. I didn’t necessarily receive a clear-cut answer for every single question I had, but I had seen enough through the Gospel, the story of the world, and observing humanity and creation. It all fit together so perfectly. It strengthened my faith. This faith I held was legit. I believe this firm foundation spared me from a lot of extra grief and heartache further down the road.

For various reasons, I developed a lot of insecurities about myself growing up. Doubts about my identity, my capabilities, and my worth to others. I was shy and didn’t express myself very strongly. I had a lot of anxiety build up in me.

“For various reasons, I developed a lot of insecurities about myself growing up.”

Further down the road, a new crisis of faith and identity appeared. As my peers began to see girls in a new way, I found myself feeling left out. Girls just didn’t interest me. Not like the other boys. I started to see boys in a new way.

Wait a minute! That didn’t make sense! I was a good, Christian boy. I couldn’t be gay!

For a time, I lived in denial of those feelings, pushing them deep down and believing it was just a weird faze of jealousy. And maybe there was some jealousy there, but then one day those feelings hit in a way that couldn’t be excused for anything other than flaming homosexual.

I was scared and confused. What would my family and friends think of me if I admitted these feelings? I sought out answers on the internet and in books. What did did the Bible really say about homosexuality? How were Christians supposed to respond to it? Were there other Christians like me? I wasn’t ready to just give up on my faith. I couldn’t let God down. If I didn’t let God down, He’d make me straight.

In 2018, I came out to a few people I trusted, including my parents. I shared that I had attractions toward men, but that I was sticking to my faith and letting God work it out. I didn’t receive any negative reactions to my coming out, although, it felt like I just went right back into the closet. I didn’t feel like I had anyone to talk to about it. But to be fair, I didn’t know how to talk about it either. So, it all just stayed inside. My anxiety became much worse, and a bitterness started to grow.

In 2020, God opened a huge door for me to take a second shot at college. I moved to Western Michigan University to study graphic design. I found a Christian community and a good church to go to. But God felt very far away. I felt miserable. Keeping up the appearance was becoming exhausting. I was getting tired of trying to make God happy. I was tired of asking God to change me.

In my junior year, I ended up in a situationship with another guy on campus. I continued going to church and trying to be a model Christian, but for almost the whole school year I dated this boy. Honestly, it felt good to be in such a relationship. I had never shared intimacy like this with someone. At the same time, my depression and anxiety had never been higher. I hated myself. I felt, in every sense, like I was being ripped in half. I wanted this relationship so terribly. I wanted these feelings validated. At the same time, I could not deny the foundation of faith and conviction I had. As soon as I started making exceptions to God and his wisdom, it all fell apart. Either I had to accept all of it, or none of it.

“…it felt good to be in such a relationship. I had never shared intimacy like this with someone. At the same time, my depression and anxiety had never been higher.”

One Sunday at church, I was feeling more convicted than ever. There was a moment where I heard God speak right to me. I can only describe it as having a thought in my head that was not my own. He said, “Grant, you’re living with a divided heart, and I can either have all of it, or none of it.” I was reminded of Matthew 19 where a rich, young man comes to Jesus, asking how he can enter the Kingdom of Heaven. This young man has done all the right things. He has been the “good, moral, godly man”. Jesus then tells this young man that he lacks one thing. That all he has left to do is give up all his riches and follow him. The young man went away sad, because he was very rich. This young man left Jesus, sad because he had lived a moral life but had more faith and comfort in his wealth than in Jesus. I didn’t want to be like that young man. I didn’t want to walk away sad, doing all these good things in vain, because I was trusting in an idol, a relationship with another man, for my affirmation and comfort rather than Jesus.

And so, I said “Okay God, I surrender. I’ll trust you. I’ll commit.” A week later I broke up with my boyfriend. It was incredibly painful.

My life didn’t immediately become easy and wonderful after that. In some ways, it got worse. I was still dealing with a lot of doubt, and anxiety. Temptation was strong. But something was different now. I was done trying to fake it, done trying to smile through the pain. I was simply going to follow Jesus and see where it led me. By the start of 2024, I started seeing some real changes in myself.

Surrendering to Jesus and fully trusting in His goodness brought me to knew understanding. I stopped trying to earn God’s favor and reward. There was nothing to earn. I was beautifully and wonderfully made in His image, not out of necessity, but a desire for love and intimacy between Creator and creation. These homosexual desires I had were only surface level indicators to deeper desires that only Jesus could satisfy. When I made the U-turn fully back to Jesus, fully surrendered to Him, He started changing me in big ways.

Some of you reading may think I’m being homophobic, self-hating, and denying myself happiness. That I’ve been guilt-tripped and brainwashed, etc. I can assure you, as an insecure over-thinker, that I’ve had those thoughts and asked those questions myself. I’ve gone back and forth in my own head about what I believe and why I believe it. It’s been my whole story. Some of it is probably true in the past. But I can assure you now that I’m not choosing Jesus for anyone other than me. And I can assure you, Jesus’ way has come through for me like nothing else!

It’s now 2026, and anxiety, comparison, and depression no longer cripple me! I still experience them; just differently. I’m not controlled by them. I’m still attracted to men, and I need to surrender those desires to Jesus each day. Some days are really difficult. But I have something better than a boyfriend now. I’m full of a peace and a joy that can’t be described! I have some of the most genuine friendships I’ve ever had in my life. I feel more real and genuine than I ever have!

“…I have something better than a boyfriend now. I’m full of a peace and a joy that can’t be described!”

I have faith that God’s way is good and right. I’ve traded temporary pleasure and happiness for everlasting joy and the deepest of intimacy. And when I mess up, God doesn’t give up on me. He lifts me back up and helps me move forward. The years I spent in isolation and bitter performance had made me lose sight of the real Gospel. I never had to earn God’s love or acceptance. I wasn’t on a lone journey trying to reach Jesus at the top of a mountain. He was at the bottom with me, and He wanted me to trust His lead on the only way up the mountain. The whole message of the Gospel is God coming down to reach us because we can’t reach Him. Because of Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross and resurrection from the grave, we are given freedom from our sin debt. When we put our trust in Him, and pursue his will for our lives, He begins renewing us. He transforms us into our true, new creations, restored to Him for His glory!

Praise God for His amazing grace and unending faithfulness! He has embraced me and made me his child. He will do the same for you, if you just accept it.